Well, a question that's been haunting us all since at least Mallrats has finally been resolved: sex with the Thing, be it in your creepy stepfather's puppet factory or the back of a Volkswagen, is an uncomfortable proposition. Stan the Man himself confirms Aunt Petunia's favorite nephew is packing a bunch of bricks in his pants, telling Vanity Fair:

I guess common sense would say it was made of orange rock too, but I always thought it was more interesting to think about Reed Richards. As you know, he had the ability to stretch, and sexually, that would seem to be a great asset in many areas.

Of course, that raises as many questions as it answers: has Stan really spent quality time thinking about Reed's junk? What about Sue? Does she create forcefields in lieu of traditional birth control? Does she get some action from Reed while he's busying himself in the lab without him even noticing, 'cause she's invisible?

And what does Ben pee?

Regardless of the answers to any of the above, I think its fair to say that nothing in the upcoming Fear Itself event could come anywhere close to the horrifying prospect of a date with The Thing.

Thanks for scarring me for life, Stan!