Archive for the “Spider-Man” Category

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  • Sinus infection just keeps getting worse - I feel like President of the United States of Boogers. #venturebros #
  • Just read Astonishing X-Men No. 32 - I honestly can’t remember the last comic from Marvel or DC that wasn’t about zombies. http://j.mp/3WgAst #
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  • Oh for the love of… zombie variant covers will not make X-Men Forever sell any better. Or make any more sense. http://j.mp/2emlly #
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  • Amazing Spider-Man No. 610 - Why does Marvel pay an Editor AND an Ass’t Editor when neither even runs spellcheck? http://j.mp/2UKsg7 #
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One Southlake bank robber was ‘Spider-woman,’ FBI says.

That’s right, the Avenger/SWORD operative Jessica Drew is now a “person of interest” in the Spider-themed Bank of America robbery that took place on Friday in Texas. One eyewitness had this to say when asked to describe her attacker’s appearance: Texas state and Federal law enforcement agencies ask that you contact the police or FBI if you see anyone matching this description. More on this story as it develops.

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Best. Surveillance camera footage. Ever.

Last Friday, two guys dressed in Spider-Man outfits actually pulled an armed robbery at a Texas branch of Bank of America.

Two of ‘em… that means at least one had to have been the Chamaeleon or something, right? Or maybe Hawkeye/Goliath/Ronin, trying on another identity and rasing funds for the upcoming Seige against Norman Osborn? Either way, I want to find out how to get the rights to this picture, so I can sell it at conventions. I’m not advocating bank heists - but come on! Real life Dark Spider-Man, that is badass!

The Iron Patriot was unavailable for comment on this story.

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I’m guessing Mephisto had a hand in this.

Spider-Man lookalike lizard is latest exotic pet craze - Telegraph.

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“Doctor’s Notes: When my unscheduled, unidentified patient leapt through the window of my 14th-story office in his Underoos, my initial impression was that he was a perfectly normal teenager. He seems to have all the typical problems of his peers in these groovy, “hep” times - he is plagued by giant rhinos, lizards, and - is it octopusses? Octopi? Note to self - look that up. Patient is also drowning in a sea of gorgeous women fighting for his affections, despite an obvious lack of social skills of any kind. That all checks out as normal in my book.

However, he has begun gesticulating dramatically. Sadly, I can only conclude that he must be hopelessly insane, and condemn him to a life in the sanatorium, where hopefully a good drill to the skull will release the demons in his head. Thank goodness for modern, swinging ’60s science.”

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I just stumbled upon this relic from my grade school days - one bright day around 1976-1978, the School Board sat down and decided that the best way to introduce frightening concepts like molestation and VD to seven year old children who didn’t even know what their reproductive glands were for - other than making sissies without missing the bowl - was to distribute pamphlets featuring their old pal, Spider-Man, rather than engage in conversation or answer any uncomfortable questions.

“Here ya go kids, Spidey’s gonna teach ya some creepy things about your boy and girl parts that State law requires us to communicate to you somehow - they weren’t very specific about what methods we used. Enjoy your scary comic books, it’s teacher’s nap time now!”

I wonder how much I could get for this baby on eBay. Hopefully enough to pay my therapy bills for my still-recurring nightmares of spiders on my johnson and web fluid emerging from scary new places.

Fortunately, the last decade of American scientific research has taught us so much that we didn’t know back then - for instance, masturbation does, in fact, drive most people dangerously insane and is deadly to you and those you care for. Also, venereal disease is not contagious, and if you ignore it long enough it will, in fact, go away. Where would we be without the miracles of modern science?

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